Lelouch and Kallen's Conversation
by adayday2
Summary: Ever wonder what Lelouch and Kallen talked about at Ashford Academy? It's funnier and more amusing than you may think.
1. Pass me the stapler

**A/N: This was originally Part 1 of my LK series but now all the conversations will just be in chapters. **

**I wrote this completely for fun and out of boredom. Just thought it'd be funny if this was an OVA in CG. **

**As the summary says, this is Part 1 of many conversations of Lelouch and Kallen.**

**Enjoy!**

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On a lovely Tuesday afternoon, our protagonist Lelouch finds himself stuck with paper work for the Student Council. His fellow member, Kallen, is also helping him, believe it or not. The school day is long gone and the students have returned to their homes. Only these two students remain in the large Ashford Academy campus. What humorous conversation shall they have today?

K: Pass me the stapler.

L: Can I hear a please?

K: Pass me the stapler.

L: Can't you ask a litter nicer?

K: Oh my god, just pass me the freakin stapler!

L: Relax. Here, behold! The mighty stapler.

K: I asked for the stapler not stand up comedy.

L: Geez, what's got you in such a bad mood?

K: I am not in a bad mood!

L: Yea, and I'm not a prince of Britannia.

K:. . What?

L: Huh? You want paper clips?

K:. . Ugh you're hopeless.

L: I don't appreciate the insults, Miss Kallen.

K: Oh, like you don't insult everyone else for not being up to your standards.

L: When do I do that?

K: . . .I don't know but you probably do it in your head! Freak!

L: (Maybe if I just stay quiet she'll stop spazzing.)

K: . . . .

L: . . . .

K: What? No smartass comment?

L: I thought you'd appreciate me "shutting my mouth for once" as you'd probably put it.

K: Oh shut up.

L: Ha, ha.

K: What are you laughing at?

L: Oh, nothing. I wasn't aware that you were menstruating today.

K: What? How in the world do you know that I have my period?

L: It's quite obvious.

K: You're a such a perv!

L: What's so disgusting about blood dropping from a woman's uterus every month?

K: That! Everything! Gah, I hate my period!

L: You're not the only one who hates it.

K: Excuse me?

L: Well, every time you have it your hormones are crazy. Do you not remember the time you were trying to kiss and hug me and get me to go with you into the closet? And then the next minute you were throwing books at me, commanding I go get you tampons at the pharmacy? Then you tried blackmailing me to my sister?

K: WHAT?

Our dear Lelouch is not lying. In fact, I remember this day quite clearly. It was perhaps three months ago, around this time of course, and I told Kallen and Lelouch to clean up the clubhouse.

K: Luuuluuu!

L: Kallen? You never call me that.

K: Of course I do you silly boy! Now come and give Kallen a big hug!

L: . . .I think I'll pass.

K: Aw don't be such a baby. Here, I'll hug you then!

L: That's okay!

K: Stop running away Lulu! You do love me don't you? Cuz I love you so much!

L: Alright, you're freaking me out! Get away from me!

K: Fine! If you won't let me hug you then I'll just have to kiss you!

L: No! God no! Go away woman!

K: Come on Lulu! Let's go have some fun in the closet! It's nice and small so it won't be hard. Let's go!

L: Dear God, please spare me and end my life now.

K: Ugh! Why are you being so difficult?

L: Me being difficult? You're the one chasing me around and trying to get into a closet!

K: You are such a jerk Lulu!

L: Hey stop throwing those books they're heavy!

K: That's exactly why I'm throwing them you moron!

L: Cut it out! Oi, you're gonna have to fix that later!

K: I could care less! I'm having my period and I don't give a crap about anything!

L: No wonder you're acting like a maniac. Thank you for stopping by the way.

K: Pfh. I'm only stopping because I need to tell you something.

L: What?

K: Go to the pharmacy and buy me some tampons. The heavy duty ones please.

L: What in the world makes you think I would get you tampons?

K:. . . Heh.

L: . . .Kallen, don't you dare.

K: Oh, Nunally! You're brother's sexually assaulting me! He came out of nowhere and tackled me and almost raped me! Help!

L: Kallen you bitch get back here!

Present

K: That really happened?

L: Yup. I had to get Rivalz and Suzaku to stop you. Then Milly and Nina took you away and helped you calm down.

K: Now that I think about it, I could definitely see myself doing that.

L: Later on that day I practically peed myself when I remembered what happened. Oh, good times.

K: Shut up, jackass.

L: Hey, use nice words, Kallen

K: What makes you think you can tell me what to do!

L: Well I am your leader. .

K: Come again?

L: Would you like some tea?

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to subscribe!**


	2. Wardrobe 101

**A/N: I think this is my favorite conversation. It was so fun to write and as I reread it again it just gets funnier! Enjoy!**

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**Hello fellow FanFiction reader! Welcome to another wonderful conversation with two of our main protagonists, Lelouch and Kallen. Once again we find them together doing god knows what in the Student Council room. What interesting topic shall they converse upon today? (For future reference, this takes place in R2. How Kallen is in Ashford Academy can be left up to your imagination.)

K: Lelouch?

L: What?

K: Can we play a game? I'm so freakin bored.

L: What kind of game?

K: Any game. But it has to be quick, entertaining, and I need to be satisfied.

L: . . . You nasty slut.

K: What? How dare you call me a slut!

L: That's what you are. In school your skirt is up your ass.

K:I-It is not! Besides, everyone's else is too!

L: Yes, but your skirt is two centimeters higher.

K: How the hell do you know that?

L: I measured you skirt.

K: You leech! When?

L: Hmm, maybe last year when you started coming to school again. I noticed you showed way too much leg and I could see your thong everyday. It was so annoying.

K: Pervert!

L: Well, at least I don't show my chest more than needed.

K: I do not show my chest!

L:. . Have you seen your old knightmare uniform?

K. . . That was ancient history! Now my suit is completely covering my entire body!

L: Did I not mention that it's skin tight, especially around the chest area?

K: You are such a freak! Why do you know all this?

L: Anyone can tell with just a glance. Even Ohgi talks about it with me.

K: Ohgi?

L: Of course. He keeps telling me to get you a new suit because you're distracting the male, and even some female members during training.

K: I can't believe you two talk about my body like it's no big deal!

L: I could care less what you look like. I'm just saying this so the people staring at you all day don't need to suffer anymore.

K: If they stare at me all day that means the must like what they see right?

L: I suppose. Or they're just heartbroken when they see young women violating their bodies.

K: Wearing shorts skirts and revealing shirts is not violating my body.

L: I think someone needs a lesson on how to dress properly.

K: I don't want a lesson from you Lelouch. I'd probably commit suicide within the first minute.

L: Not up for the challenge huh? Didn't know Kallen was only a risk taker when she feels like it.

K: Damn you to hell.

L: Thank you. Now, are you ready for the lesson, my dear pupil?

K: Call me that again and I will murder you.

L: What was that my dear pupil?

K: Just get on with it!

L: Very well. Now, when dressing yourself you must remember the four Bs. Breast, belly, butt, and back. Are you with me so far?

K: Unfortunately, yes.

L: Let's talk about the first one, breast. Possibly the most arousing part of the female body to the male population. At least that's what I hear from Rivalz.

K: Oh Jesus.

L: Anyway, I think that a proper lady should not show any cleavage whatsoever. However, young ladies like yourself may object. Therefore I, Lelouch vi Britannia, declare that only half an inch of cleavage may show on a woman's chest!

K: Do you know how completely ridiculous you just sounded?

L: Yes, and frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

K: I can see that.

L: Moving on, let us discuss on the topic of your belly. As you and I recall, your previous uniform exposed a large amount of your belly quite clearly.

K: What? I barely showed four inches of it!

L: There lies the problem. You think four inches is too much. I in that case think that even half an inch is too much! Once again I, Lelouch vi Britannia, declare that not one centimeter of a woman's stomach can be shown, no matter what the case!

K: I'm so glad you don't have a royal status anymore.

L: Funny, I get that a lot.

K: Obviously.

L: Ahem. Now, the third one is butt. This is what got us into this conversation in the first place, Kallen. You expose too much of your butt than necessary. Your skirts are so high, and your suit is extremely tight in that area. I demand a change.

K: Okay, you're starting to act like a father and it's creeping the hell out of me.

L: Never mind my creepyness you should know about it by now. Anyway I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands that no female may expose her butt in any way or form! Whether its a short skirt or tight pants, I shall not allow it!

K: I think that should be applied to males too. Have you seen your butt in those pants?

L: Ah, you look at my butt, huh?

K: It's kinda hard not to when your pants are so tight! You're Zero outfit too! It accents EVERY part of your body and its distracting!

L: Now I feel violated. Stop staring at my body you slut.

K Stop calling me that!

L: Slut. Skank. Whore.

K: I swear I will kill you someday.

L: But if you kill me you won't be able to admire my oh so lovely body.

K: . . . Shut up!

L: Ha! So the woman admits it!

K: Fine I do. Happy?

L: Estatic.

K: Wonderful.

L: I'm glad my feelings affect you so much. Do you find an attraction towards me?

K: Um. . more tea?

L: Heh. Why not?

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**A/N: Don't you just love tea? Lol, subscribe and review! **


	3. Interviewing Kallen

**A/N: Hey people! Here's the next Lulu and Kallen conversation! Well technically it's an interview today but who cares? Start reading!**

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Greetings! I invite you to look again at another Lelouch and Kallen conversation. Today I've asked Lelouch to ask Kallen a series of questions. Why? Because I'm bored!

L: Why is she making me ask these questions?

K: I don't know and I could care less. Just start asking.

L: Alright. Favorite color?

K: Isn't that original. Hm, red.

L: Wow! That was so hard to figure out.

K: I could go without the sarcasm.

L: Same here. Favorite food?

K: Sushi or fish and chips.

L: Once again, so tricky.

K: Would you like me to hurt you?

L: I'll pass., but thanks for the offer. Favorite animal?

K: Don't have one.

L: What, do you hate animals?

K: No, I just don't have a preference for one.

L: Weirdo.

K: Shut up.

L: Are you a Mac or a PC?

K: Neither. I don't own a Mac or a PC.

L: That's so sad. Would you like me to raise money so unfortunate girls and boys like you can have the joy of electronics?

K: No. Absolutely not.

L: Oh, fine. Favorite band?

K: Hm, the Jonas Brothers.

L: Get out. Get out right now.

K: Why?

L: Because I don't allow those horrifying words to be said in this school. It's a mortal sin against everything that is normal in this world.

K: You really need a life.

L: I have one and trust me its annoying. Favorite movie?

K: I haven't watched many.

L: Aw, little Kallen's been deprived of cinema entertainment. Wah, wah, wah.

K: Like I've said many times, I will kill you.

L: That makes me so unbelievably happy. Favorite book?

K: I don't read.

L: Alright, you wont go anywhere in life. Favorite clothing accessory? (Probably nothing or a bunny outfit.)

K: A hair band.

L: Can you make this more interesting and pick things that aren't so obvious?

K: Can you please stop commenting on all of my answers?

L: Nope. Favorite type of music?

K: Pop.

L: Well there's something new! Attention everyone, Kallen listens to Lady GaGa.

K: Pop does not mean Lady Gaga.

L: Yes Kallen. Yes it does. Biggest peeve?

K: You.

L: Ouch.

K: Deal with it.

L: Harsh.

K: Suck it up.

L Mean.

K: Ask the next question!

L: Fine! Geez. Favorite flower?

K: Rose.

L: How stereotypical. Favorite holiday?

K: Halloween.

L: Why?

K: I dress up as people I hate and go around pretending to be them and embarrass them.

L: Freak.

K: This year I'll be dressing up as you.

L: Lovely. Goal in life?

K: To be happy.

L: . . That's it?

K: Yes, do you have a problem?

L: I thought it was "To be the wife of Lelouch and bear his children".

K: Where the hell did you get that idea?

L: Hm, I guess Milly was lying.

K: Huh?

L: If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

K: I'd give it to Japanese refugee camps and charities that help the Japanese.

L: Your answers are so original, you know? I love it.

K: I hate you.

L: Me too! Favorite quote.

K: . . When life gives you lemons, throw them back at the person who gave them to you and say I hate lemonade.

L: I'll never truly understand how your brain works.

K: Trust me I don't want you to.

L: If you found out you would die in 24 hours what would be the first thing you'd do?

K: Visit everyone dear to me and tell them I love them.

L: Would I be one of those people?

K: No.

L: . . Thanks. Final question. Who do you wish you were in a relationship with?

K: A man named Zero.

L: Seriously? That guy? He's a terrorist.

K: So? What gives you the right to tell me who I should have interest in?

L: Well for one thing I am Zero. .

K: Huh?

L: Want to get some McDonalds? (Why is she so clueless?)

K: Sure! You're paying right?

L: . . . . .Yea. . . .

K: Alright! Let's go!

L: Why? Just, why?

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**A/N: Hope you liked it! Review and subscribe!**


	4. Shopping Spree

Hello! I invite you to join me once again to witness a lovely conversation between Lelouch and Kallen! Summer's here and our heroin is having trouble picking out attire for this hot and sunny season. Lelouch is forced to choose with her, a task any man would not want to take part in. How will there day go at the mall?

L: Kallen, please just kill me like you've said many times before.

K: No! If I kill you then you won't be able to help me pick out clothes.

L: I've lived a good life, and I believe I wouldn't mind if it ended here. No wait. Here. Right here.

K: . . In front of Victoria's Secret?

L: Yes, it's a lovely way isn't it? To die staring at a model with gigantic bre-

K: Shut up, or I'll really make your wish come true.

L: Y-yes, ma'am.

K: Alright! Let's go shopping!

L: Yay.

K: Oo Lelouch! We should go to Macy's they always have cute clothes there!

L: Fine. Hey stop pulling me! I can walk on my own.

K: If I don't pull you then it's gonna take forever for us to get there! You and I both know you walk a mile an hour.

L: Be quiet Q1. I really should be planning another cout d'etat with Todoh right now.

K: That can wait. My summer attire is way more important!

L: Right.

K: Great! Glad we agree! Now let's go!

L: -No comment-

K: Okay, so the juniors section is on the second floor.

L: Junior's section?

K: Yeah, junior's section.

L: Why isn't it just called teenager's section. Seems stupid to call it junior's section.

K: Would you stop complaining and get on the escalator?

L: Yea, yea, I'm coming.

K: Oo! I need to go to their denim section. I'm dying for some new pairs of shorts!

L: Don't forget about the four B's Kallen. We wouldn't want you attracting attention to yourself even more than you do naturally.

K: I've tried to forget about that day but it always finds a way back to me. .

L: It's because you're mind can't possibly forget the day I taught you probably you're most valuable lesson: To not dress up like a slut.

K: I'm going to ignore that comment and start looking for jean shorts.

L: Whatever you say. Hey, what did I say about the pulling?

K: Lelouch! Aren't these shorts cute? They come with a matching belt!

L: Splendid. Now please let go of me.

K: Fine, but just because I know I'll need two arms to carry all my clothes.

L: Dear God, if you find out that I've committed suicide within the next couple hours, you know the reason.

K: Would you stop being so over dramatic and tell me which one of these shorts you like the best?

L: Ugh. Eh, the darker pair?

K: Hm, why?

L: Because I know you have a secret emo side and I think you should embrace it by wearing darker clothes?

K: . . .Is that a question or an answer?

L: Both?

K: You're so useless! Why didn't I bring Suzaku along? He would've helped me.

L: Hey! That man is our enemy!

K: But he's awesome in picking out clothes! I went shopping with him a while ago and the man is pure genius!

L: It's really creepy how your eyes are sparkling right now.

K: Ah! Look over there! Tank tops for only 2.99! Let's go!

L: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

K: What the hell?

L: Ssh. Please do not curse as I pray to God to cleanse your spirit from the demon controlling it.

K: -Kallen super bitch slap-

L: -Coughs and gags-

K: Ahem, anyway, come on!

L: Again with the pulling. . .please don't look at me like that. It makes me think there really is a demon inside you. Woah I take it back! Just please don't hit me.

K: If you at least try to act normal from now on I won't harm you.

L: Thank you! Thank you so much!

K: Quit your crying and would you get off of my leg?

L: Sorry. So what are we doing now?

K: Well I'm trying to decide what color tank tops I should get.

L: Like I said you should focus on getting dark and cool colors because of your hidden emo-

K: -Punch- You wanna answer me again?

L: Um, red? I think it's your favorite color right?

K: Yeah, but I have a lot of red clothes. What about orange or yellow?

L: Sure, why not. (Please someone save me!)

Extra #1: Hello sir, can I help you with anything?

L: Yes! Thank the Lord! Could you help her please? Like seriously help her? Her mind is a little messed up if you know what I mean.

K: -Kick- What was that?

L: Oh, nothing. Um, she needs help on deciding what color tank top thingy to get.

Extra #1: Oh I see, shopping with your girlfriend huh? Ha, I remember those days.

L: Girlfriend? Oh no defini-

Extra #1: When she becomes your wife you'll get used to the shopping.

L: Woah let's get this straight she is not my girl-

Extra #1: But when she gets pregnant it'll feel like today so brace yourself!

L: DUDE SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

**SILENCE**

K: Lelouch which do you like better, stripes or no stripes?

L: . . .

Extra #1: I happen to like stripes, miss!

K: Oh, thanks! Could you show me where your summer dresses are?

Extra #1: Of course, follow me.

K: Let's go, boyfriend!

L: Nooo. . and stop pulling me by my ear that hurts!

Extra #1: So you guys are going out?

K: Heh, you could say that. I prefer the term "slave" myself.

Extra #1: Ah, I see.

L: How can you be so calm about hearing that, mister?

Extra #1: It's common these days, really.

K: I agree.

L: GAH!

**Three hours later. . .**

K: So this shirt with these shorts, or this tank top with this skirt?

L: I don't care.

Extra #1: Definitely the tank top and skirt. More summer like.

K: You're right. Okay let me try it on.

L: How can you sit through this? I've been dying since the first minute.

Extra #1: I'm used to it. Being a newly wed with a young wife and two twin baby girls, I've actually acquired a liking to it.

L: You have crossed the dark side, my friend.

K: Lelouch what do you think? Hm?

L: -Epic Nosebleed-

K: Hey, are you alright?

L: Absolutely not! The outfit in every way defies the four B's! I refuse to allow you to wear it!

Extra #1: Wow, protective and jealous boyfriend huh?

K: You don't know the half of it.

L: Kallen, _sweetie, _you've worn at least 100 outfits today. Can we please go?

K: Oh, _honey, _I still need to look at the bikinis, so unfortunately, NO!

Extra #1: -Whistles- You're in some deep trouble.

L: Tell me about it.

K: Okay, Lelouch let's go and look at the bikinis!

L: Do I have to go? Just take this guy with you.

K: No! I want my boyfriend's opinion! Now come on!

L: Fine.

Extra #1: You two have fun!

K: Alrigthy, now where do they have the bikinis in this store?

L: How should I know?

K: It'd be nice if you'd actually help me.

L: I'll turn down your offer, thanks.

K: Ugh! You're a really horrible boyfriend.

L: Since when was I ever your boyfriend?

K: Since we started this shopping extravaganza! Didn't you read the notice I put in your mailbox?

L: Oh, no I burnt it once I saw your name at the bottom.

K: You're a real jerk.

L: Tell me something I don't know.

K: Hey, tell me which bikini top is cuter, this blue one or this pink one?

L: D, all of the above.

K: Lelouch. . .

L: U-um, both?

K: That's exactly what I was thinking!

L: Phew, that was a close one.

K: Lelouch! I need your help picking out bikini bottoms!

L: Relax, I'll be right there.

K: So, real bikini cut, or boy shorts?

L: Well the bikini cut defies the four B's so I'd go with the boy shorts.

K: But the bikini cut is so much cut-

L: By the way, the bikini tops also defy the four B's! Breast! That thing barely covers 50% of your boobs!

K: Would you shut up? People are starting to stare!

L: And all your other clothes too! Extremely inappropriate!

K: 5. . . 4. . . 3. . .

L: Heh, well, gotta run!

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**A/N: I don't think this chapter is as funny as the other ones, but I hope you enjoyed it!**


	5. Let's Go To Fiji

**A/N: Hello! Thanks for deciding to read my L and K Conversation story! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. But if I did, that'd be wicked awesome**

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Hi there! You're ultimate source of Lelouch and Kallen Conversations invites you to one right now! Our two lovers (yes they are lovers, even if they don't know it themselves XD) are actually going to spend summer break together! You and I know that Kallen is the one who wears the pants in this interesting relationship. Naturally, she is controlling everything. How will their planning commence?

L: Kallen, we've looked at hundreds of brochures. Can you please just pick a place?

K: Relax! I'm just trying to pick the best place for us to go!

L: Well hurry it up, woman! A man's patience can only go so far.

K: Hm, so my choices are: Australia, France, England, Spain, Italy, Greece, United States, Canada, Brazil, Fiji, and Argentina.

L: You are aware that all of those countries have been taken over by Britania and are all Areas, right?

K: So? Like me, I'm pretty sure they still want their country to be called it's original name, so I will respect that.

L: Wow since when did you become so noble?

K: It's kinda hard not to when I spend my time with a noble egotistic jerk.

L: It's not nice to talk about Rivalz like that, Kallen. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

K: I'm going to practice self control and not slap you across the face.

L: I admire your effort.

K: . . . Anyway, what are your favorites?

L: I don't even want to go anywhere. Why do I have to go with you? Can't you bring one of the girls?

K: They're all busy! Milly and Shirely and Nina are all going back to the homeland to visit family. And I'm not bring Rivalz and you already know why I'm not even considering Suzaku.

L: Because you know I'm much more sexier, right?

K: -whacks with a brochure- Just tell me where you want to go, Lelouch.

L: Well, why don't we go somewhere tropical? You just got all those summer clothes and bikinis.

K: Huh, you're brain actually is useful.

L: You're so lucky I already used my Geass on you. I would have made you my personal slave by now.

K: Ew, I don't even want to think of all the perverted things you would make me do.

L: Heh.

K: So I guess that means we're going to Fiji then?

L: If we must.

K: Alright, now if I could only find that brochure. .

L: Don't expect me to help you. You made this mess in the first place.

K: Wow, thanks for helping me out. I feel bad for your future wife.

L: Don't you mean you feel bad for yourself?

K: W-What?

L: The fact that you stuttering and are little too shocked proves that you want to become my wife.

K: What kind of logic is that?

L: The "Lelouch-Knows-Everything-About-Kallen-Kozuki-Logic".

K: I should've known.

L: If you studied my logic then you would have, my dear fiancé.

K: D-Don't go on s-sputtering that nonsense!

L: Once again. . .

K: Shut your mouth and help me look for the Fiji brochure!

L: Fine, but you know I hate manual labor.

K: Why do you think I'm making you do this in the first place?

L: Right. I forgot you were a sadist.

K: Don't tempt me, Lelouch.

L: What? Is my body just that hard to resist?

K: -kick in the groin-

L: *high pitched voice* No more kids for me.

K: Got that right. Yes! I found it!

L: Took you long enough. Now we have to call the hotel to book a reservation.

K: 'We'? I think you mean 'you'.

L: Why do I have to do it?

K: Cuz if you don't I'll make sure you wont even be able to try to have kids.

L: Yes, ma'am!

K: That's a good man slave.

L: Pass me the phone will you?

K: Lelouch it's right there on the table, can't you just get it yourself?

L: All your insults have made me lazy.

K: Do you ever stop complaining?

L: No. Now get me the phone. Ah, thank you, that was faster than I expected.

K: Just call the tourist company.

L: Alright, alright. Hello? Yes, I'd like to visit Fiji with a friend of mine. How long?

K: Ten days.

L: Ten days. Yes. Mhm. The best resort you have. No, the price doesn't matter. Yes. Ah, really? That's a very good rate. Haha. Hm, I'm pretty sure she won't have a problem with that. Yes, we'll take that room then. Oh, and can we also book a flight?

K: Ask if it can be really early.

L: What's your latest flight?

K: -pinch-

L: Ow! Oh, sorry. I meant the earliest flight. 7:30? No stop overs right? Okay, perfect. Mhm. Yes. I do have an account with *insert travel agency company name here*. My ID is 352676. Yes, I can hold.

K: How's everything going?

L: Good. We're staying at their best resort, and our flight's good too. They just need to look up my account.

K: Nice. What's our room like at the resort?

L: Ha, funny story, cuz- Oh, hello? Yes I can hear you. Mhm. Right. Yes, that's correct. Yes. Great! So you'll call me tomorrow for confirmations, correct? Excellent. Thank you so much. Bye.

K: Everything's set?

L: Unfortunately.

K: -sigh- Anyway, what's our room like?

L: Wait, I'll be back.

A couple seconds later.

L: Okay, I'm good.

K: What the hell? Why are you wearing football pads?

L: You might do some serious damage in a moment.

K: Why? What's wrong?

L: Too say it frankly, I booked the honeymoon sweet. Hee. .

K: -blushes furiously- W-WHA-WHAT?

L: See, now you understand the padding.

K: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

L: No, I'm not kidding you. I'm quite serious.

K: WHY IN THE WOLRD WOULD YOU DO THAT?

L: They were having a special discount on the honeymoon suite. This is my money we're spending.

K: YOU'RE ZERO, THE FRICKING LEADER OF THE BLACK KNGIHTS AND YOU HAVE GEASS! YOU COULD ROB A BANK FOR GOD'S SAKE!

L: That's so much work though. Laaazzzyyyy.

K: You know you're a dead man, right?

L: Oh yea I'm aware of the fact. That's why, to make up for the honeymoon suite, I got us first class seats, a free pass for all the activities at the resort, meals at the finest restaurants, our own private beach, a personal limo driver, and a yacht to rent 24/7 complete with snorkeling, scuba, surfing, and kayak equipment.

K: I hate it when you do this to me.

L: I know. That's why I do it in the first place.

K: Is your reason for existence just to piss me off?

L: Partially. If you want to know the rest, ask C.C.

K: I'd never talk to that woman, much less ask her a question.

L: Jealous are we?

K: Of course not!

L: I bet she told you she's slept in my room thousands of times, huh?

K: SHE DID WHAT?

L: Oops my bad.

K: When I see that green haired girl. .

L: Kallen, remember the therapy. Breathe in, breathe out.

K: You're not helping at all so just shut up.

L: Whatever. Go ahead. Go blow up on C.C. I could care less.

K: Good. I'll see you later. If you hear screams just ignore them.

L: Alright.

K: Oh, and Lelouch?

L: Yeah?

K: I'm coming for you next.

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**A/N: I really hope you liked this! Next will be Interviewing Lelouch! **


	6. Fangirl Counseling Extreme Randomness

**A/N: Sorry for updating so late! I've been having writers block for a while, and I was also preparing myself (mentally) for Otakon 2010! I had a blast, but now it's back to reality. Getting ready for school, reading the books I need to, but of course, anime, manga, and FanFiction is included! Enjoy the chapter!**

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The impossible has happened my friends. Kallen is now a fangirl! Who knew this could happen to our useless heroin? Did she take heroin before ever thinking of watching Naruto? Yes, that joke was horrible I know. But that's not the point here! Someone needs to save Kallen from falling into the pit of no return. I bet you can guess who will have the job of completing this task. . . .

L: Kallen, can I borrow your History book? I left mine in my locker.

K: Sshh! Don't be so loud?

L: I'm talking to you through a door. I think this is an exception.

K: BE QUIET!

L: Who's being loud now?

K: What do you want Lelouch?

L: Geez, watch my face I need that to attract the ladies.

K: Get out Lelouch! Right now!

L: Relax I'm not gonna go snooping around in your room- Oo what are you watching?

K: N-nothing! History book's on the desk. Get it and go away!

L: Woah, now let's not by hasty. Step away from the computer screen, Q1.

K: Don't go using your Zero voice on me.

L: I'll do whatever I want woman.

K: Hands off Uncle Lester! **(A/N: couldn't resist making a grade school reference for molesters lol)**

L: Quit your squirming. What? Naruto?

K: I told you not to look!

L: You never said that.

K: I implied it!

L: But it's not the same as declaring it.

K: Stop being a smart aleck and leave.

L: Not until I get an answer. So I see you're into Japanese anime.

K: How do you know what it is?

L: Kallen you may have forgotten but we happen to live in the land where Japanese anime was created. I mean Japan, Japanese, I'd think you'd know this by now.

K: I'm not stupid, Lelouch.

L: Oh you're not?

K: No, I'm not.

L: Hm, yes you're right. You're not stupid. You're a stupid fangirl.

K: There's no way I'm a fangirl.

L: I bet you're all over Sasuke.

K: H-How do you know?

L: Not hard to find out. Most fangirls always go for the emo ones.

K: They do not!

L: Then explain why you're all over me.

K: I-I. . b-but. . .y-you. . .

L: I leave the fangirls speechless don't I? Oh no, don't say anything I understand your feelings.

K: I hate you.

L: That's only the 1,475 time you've told me that so I don't mind anymore.

K: Please leave and let me watch Sasuke in peace.

L: I can't leave! I must help you overcome this obsession!

K: Last time you tried to help me it ended with you in the hospital for a week.

L: True. . . ha! I need backup! I'll be right back, and don't you dare start looking up yaoi.

K: -abruptly stops typing SasuNaru on Google Images-

A couple minutes later. . .

L: Kallen, open up! It's time for your counselor meeting!

K: Counselor meeting?

L: Yes, now open the door! I can only hold im for so long!

Muffled voice: Let go of me, Lelouch!

K: Who is that?

L: Open the friggin door and you'll find out!

K: S-Suzaku?

S: Hi, Kallen. Sorry about this.

K: I'm sorry too.

L: No time for apologies! Time is of the essence!

S: When Lelouch sets a goal in his mind it's kind of hard to get him to sway away from it

K: Trust me, I know.

L: Suzaku no talking to the subject unless I give you the clear!

K: The subject?

S: The clear?

L: No more questions! Now Kallen, please sit down.

K: I don't have to lay down do I?

L: Hm, that would create a better affect so yes please lay down.

K: Why did I ask?

L: Now Suzaku you may proceed with the questioning.

S: Um, what?

L: Ask her the questions!

S: What questions?

L: Amateurs, what a drag.

K: Hey. . .

L: No speaking!

K: Alright! Sheesh.

S: Psst, Lelouch.

L: What?

S: Uh, what exactly am I supposed to ask?

L: Just read this and pause for her answers.

S: A-Alright. Ready Kallen.

K: No but just get it over with.

S: Okay. Now, when did you start watching Naruto? *whispers* Hey I know this show. . .

K: -sigh- Last week I guess.

L: You guess?

K: Yea, sure.

L: Interesting. Write that down!

S: Y-Yes! Um, so what episode are you on now?

K: . . . .

L: Answer the question Q1.

S: Q1?

L: It's a nickname.

S: Oh, okay.

K: (Is he really that stupid?) -mumbles- 114

L: WHAT?

K: 114

S: Wow that's impressive.

L: Don't got encouraging her!

S: Sorry.

K: I don't see the big deal.

L: You've gone totally otaku in seven days!

K: I doubt it.

L: Doubting means denial and denial means you know its true!

S: That doesn't make any sense Lelouch.

L: Shut up Suzaku!

S: Wah!

K: Quiet down Lelouch you're so annoying.

L: I'm just trying to save your soul while it's still somewhat innocent and pure!

K: What does watching Naruto have to do with my soul?

L: If you keep watching that ninja BS with emo hormonal teenagers who knows what it will do to you!

K: I don't care Lelouch I'll do whatever I want.

S: Amen, Kallen, amen.

L: . . . o.O

K: . . O.O

S: What?

L: Nevermind. Kallen, you need to stop this.

K: I don't see why this is such a problem to you.

L: If you're mind is constantly thinking about anime you won't be a useful pawn anymore!

K: I'm a pawn?

S: She's a pawn?

L: Would you two shut it!

K: . . . .-_-

S: . . .:'(

L: Thank you. Now Kallen, have you watched any other anime besides Naruto?

K: I've been watching some Bleach episodes.

S: You're watching Bleach?

K: Yea! Are you?

S: Duh! It's only the best anime ever! **(A/N: That's not my personal opinion its just in the story.)**

L: No. .. no. . . this can't be happening!

K: Do you watch sub or dub?

L: Sub? Dub? Huh?

S: Sub means Japanese voice with English subtitles and Dub means English voice.

K: Stupid Lelouch.

L: No. . . no!

S: Well since I can't understand English I watch the regular Japanese.

K: Ah, I watch the English and Japanese. But I like the English voice actors. Especially Johnny Young Bosch. I love him!

L: Johnny Young what?

K: Johny Young Bosch! He plays the main character and his voice is soo dreamy!

L: You're disgusting.

S: His voice is pretty awesome though Lelouch.

L: Oh please my voice is 100x better.

K: I doubt it. When I hear your voice it makes me cringe.

L: Cringe in fear? Excellent!

K: No cringe like I'm being forced to watch Pokemon.

L: If you weren't a girl you'd be slapped by now.

K: Don't act so bold you sissy.

S: Ha, nice one Kallen.

L: Suzaku. ..

S: Heh. . umm so back to Johnny. .

K: I love his voice so much! You know who else he could voice act?

S: Who?

K: Sasuke from Naruto!

S: No way.

K: Yes way!

S: Yuri Lowenthal is amazing as Sasuke, his voice is perfect.

K: Eh sometimes I think his acting is fake and robotic.

S: You're a horribly lady.

K: Coming from the guy who won't stop attacking me in my nightmare?

S: What?

L: WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH OTAKUS?

S: Lelouch why are you looking at the ceiling?

K: He thinks God will hear him.

S: Ah.

L: This was supposed to be a counseling session where I would make Suzaku and Kallen fight over my hottness. .

S: What?

K: W-What?

L: Oh don't pretend like you don't want me.

S: I-I d-don't. . uuhh

K: Pffhh w-what no-nonsense!

L: Mhm.

K: Uh, Suzaku!

S: Yeah?

K: Wanna make out?

S: Huh?

L: NO! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!

K: Wanna have an anime marathon?

S: Sure!

L: No! You can't! I won't let you!

K: Lelouch get your hands off my butt right now or you will die.

S: Lelouch I'm not comfortable with your hand there.

L: You two will not be together in the same room! You'll only be granting the Kallen x Suzaku fans' wishes and I must crush them!

K: What crap are you spitting out now?

S: I think you need the counseling.

L: No! Don't go! Please!

K: Oh my god. Suzaku, he. . he said please!

S: This is not normal. We need a doctor!

Ly: Lloyd here at your service, Zero!

K: Zero?

S: ZERO? WHERE IS HE! I WILL AVENGE EUPHIE!

Ly: Suzaku what did the counselor say?

S: . . Only two Zero outbursts a day. . .

K: You go to a counselor?

S: Yea. .

L: Well shit.

S: I know. . .

Ly: It's not surprising. If my mechanism is not functioning correctly I must find the cure no matter what!

K: He's crazy isn't he.

S: Yup. Wait where did you come from anyway? How did you know I was here

Ly: Like normal people I walked through the front door, and the microchip in your body has a GPS system.

S: There's a microchip inside my body?

K: There's a microchip in your body?

L: Someone other than me has touched Suzaku's body?

-silence-

Ly: Stay tuned for the next episode- I mean chapter!

S: Llyod please leave.

K: Yes please do.

L: -crying in corner about not being the first to touch Suzaku- *holds up a sign saying See Ya Next Time! depressingly*

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**A/N: okay yea this was pretty much a stupid and random and no sense at all chapter. hope you still like it and sorry cuz i know this isn't as funny as my other chapters but its definitely dumber if that counts lol**


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